So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
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