What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
