she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
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