This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
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