I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Randomize
