I saw his package. It spoke to me.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
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