It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Randomize
