Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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