my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Randomize
