he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
