I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
