you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Randomize
