Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
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