I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
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