I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
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