where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
