Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
