you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
