every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
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