Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Randomize
