Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Randomize
