We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
