I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Randomize
