Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
I intend to get homeless drunk
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
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