Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
