At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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