I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
