On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
