i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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