dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
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