hell yes lets make some ravioli
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
