I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize