Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
