I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
