is your mom at the bar?
pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
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Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
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I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
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