super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
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