I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
