Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
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