So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
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