I think im going to throw up on grandma
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
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