He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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