Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Your shirt... Was in my pants
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.