I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
