I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
You're a womanizer and a bitch.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
We don't watch enough power rangers
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Randomize
