sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
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