Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
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