Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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