At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Randomize
