The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Randomize
