I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
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