I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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