Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
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