i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Randomize
