if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Randomize