Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
