Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
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