if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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