I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
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I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
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