i'm signing you up for texting rehab
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
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