I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
