i just sent this text using only my big toe
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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