I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
Randomize
